Cream of the Crap Netizens

Almost everyone with a computer already know the Internet and just like you the reader, and me, the blogger of this blog, are netizens or whatever Internet cool slang some basement dweller make up.

There are a lot of  netizens all over the Internet and a good number of them uses the Internet for a good cause. I just love the way some netizens use the mainstream feature of the Internet to spread help like the way Philippines handled the Ondoy situation. Every good netizen has its own bad netizen, spread in many idiotic variations. Ladies and gentlemen, here are the cream of the crap netizens, which you can see them in a lot of message boards and blogs.

Radical Activist
This is kind of message board regulars who love to throw strong words after browsing an online thesaurus. They exchange lengthy discussions of certain issues packed with page eating links and attached badly photoshopped images to prove their point.

Always angry and loves to act like your creepy old philosophy professor and only thing missing is you can actually hear the guy voicing his opinions loud through a plug-in mic while choking his pet dog, poor puppy.

Internet Tough Guy
The online brave "bad asses" will respond to you with scary tough responses. Their posts include a photo of themselves, without a shirt, showing his "bad ass" tattoo, flexing their "bad ass" muscles,  holding a "bad ass" gun which he stole from a neighborhood toddler and challenging you to say the thing you said to him online to his face. He will effed you up so bad and you will scream for your uncle, my question is how will his "bad ass" punch goes to the 21 inch "bad ass" LCD monitor and to the face of the "sorry ass" enemy?

They will just scream on the plug-in mic and swears with every cursed word ever known by man, plus the ones invented by your "bad ass" posse, which consists of 2 persons from different countries who don't understand the English language.

The False Knight in Shining Armor
There is nothing wrong of defending or siding with someone, like a girl from another country and you hardly know a bit of info of her in life, on message board. This people expects immediately that they will receive something in return  for the minute you realized that she is a girl and in need of a great defending, something like sex or live strip show.

They are also known as "white knights" in some message board and stalk the girl vigorously just to get her attention. These knights repeatedly reminds that particular girl that she needs someone as brave and strong as him, while dripping saliva all over the keyboard, scratching the balls while typing his Shakespeare rejected sweet talks. Fortunately, most of I read is that the girls did the right thing, stomped them to hell.

Jejemons
I don't want to talk about the Jejemons anymore but the best and only way to describe them is they are the language molesters. If a written language has its own abuse landline number like Bantay-Bata, 90% of Jejemons worldwide will be send to jail in a form of  a nursery class, complete with cute star wall motifs, conducting basic alphabet and word lessons.

Narcissistic Know it alls
They assume that they are very important and the greatest thing in the world since the discovery of wheel.  This set of people like throwing strong words toward the victim, after reading a thesaurus of course to make look themselves smarter. They are also obsessed of nitpicking and degrade anyone they think ugly.

These lonely trying hard people are usually seen in message boards and when they see a photo of a very good-looking female, they will say she is ugly and rate them 4 out of 10 wherein the girl can fit in the 8-10 range. In reality, they are just a bunch of educated but fashionably retarded Jejemons hanging out in Internet Cafes all day.

Happy Time Whores
Sadly, a lot of women today, including the teens and even in their 20-30 range counterparts, are getting whorer than ever. They are easily manipulated to do online stripping and other degrading stuff for sheer enjoyment. Some do this to gain something from the viewer, like cash for their cellphone load but a big percentage of them do the sexy show for the heck of it.

Not only women show their skin to the great nation of Internet but men as well, millions of them. Just go to chatroulette.com and you will meet at least 1 guy self pleasuring on cam, thinking you are a female and immediately asks you to show your goods while jerking off vigorously and screaming like a pig.

They use the internet to troll and annoy around message boards and many websites. They fight in terrifying written words which emphasizes that they sound like the cream of a crop alpha male, which made 13-year-old directionless teen girls drop their panties in joy. In reality, they are mostly socially awkward, sexy time deprived, needs psychological rehab and needs a good tap on the head. If you meet one of them, just point, do a Nelson "Ha Ha" laugh and move on with your life while they scratch their head and muttering "what the fuck?".

Print Damn It!

As a graphic designer, one of the most important stuff in my life is a printer. Others use printers for their documents while in my profession, I use the printer to have my designs printed in an easy to hold printed form for presentation or as the actual output. Before I see my printer and give it an elbow drop because this article is giving me nightmarish flashbacks of printers being dicks, here are some of my Saturday night ramblings about ink vomiting hardware.

Heavy software
Printers in my opinion, is not be a burden to the user. Simply plug, install a few megabytes of drivers to make it acquainted with your computer and use it. Modern printers in the other hand, requires you to install heavy software around at least 100MB to make them work, wherein the installed software you are going to use  is the driver itself and forget the other software. Most of the time the bundled software is already outdated and the company being dick, requires you to download a heavier software via the Internet before you can use it.

Ink Color Incomplete? No Print!
Some of the modern printers are douchebags. They refuse to work with you if the color cartridge is empty even if you want to use black ink for black and white printing, like word documents.  On 4 ink based (CMYK - Cyan, Magenta, Yellow, Black/Key) printers, they will slap in your face by not working with you unless if the 4 inks are complete, even if you are only using one color that is full.

Ink Cartridges are insanely expensive
Inks are excessively too much for your budget and it is imperative to sell your organs or your soul just to buy a fresh one. It is a burden to have a chunk of percentage on your earnings just to get a new cartridge. Some say you may use the draft settings for print, but in my profession, 80% of time the settings is in either normal or best options. More usage of ink means less usage of your cash to your needs.

Paper destroyer
A lot of printers are hungry for expensive papers like photo and matte variations. They will eat your paper by jamming in their mouths and chew them vigorously to the point you can only reuse it as a scratch paper or as a crumpled imaginary basketball and tossed it in a trash can while screaming "I am the best basketball player bitch!!".

Refuse to print on inappropriate times
Don't you just love to throw your printer through the window when it dicks around and refuses to work properly on times you desperately need for a print out. You tried everything except hitting it with a kitchen sink yet the printer still doesn't want to print. Later, in an unexplainable reason, the printer acts normal and lets you print wherein you have less than 5 minutes before hitting the deadline.

Just like every computer peripheral in existence, printers are assholes and provides unnecessary headaches. The ink cartridges are also need be cheaper and very accessible to common consumers because logically, without an ink, you can't use a printer, unless your printer has a built-in ink factory inside and disperse Ice cold tea. Now print, damn it!

Somewhere in Youtube: The Insane True Story Behind the Birth of the Internet

The Language Molestors

Since Internet and its all broadband glory is already in the mainstream, a lot of people uses the Internet to exchange ideas and inputs. Since many people are partaking the great Internet concept, there is still a percentage of users labeled as Jejemons.

Jejemon? what the fudge?
Admittedly I have no idea on what a Jejemon yet I met them almost everyday especially on local message boards. I just learned the term a week ago and I realized they are literally a lot of them, thousands of them. A Jejemon uses an absurd language which is a localized and modified version of 1337 speak or leet speak or as I called it as idiot speak. 1337 speak is what the foreign online gamers and computer geeks used to communicate with each other, their own language widely used by young Internet athletes, which consists of basement dwellers and has a phobia of outside life.

A simple he he he is not hard to type
The term Jejemon is taken from the murdered phrase of  "he he he". From the universally known "he he he" was tragically converted into "je je je". Some others say it all started with a typo like how "owned" turned  into "pwned" but repeatedly using the letter J instead of letter H is pure bullcrap. They love to put unnecessary letters to words to make it longer, for the reason I don't know why. Another characteristic of this idiocy is to mix both lower and upper case of a letter, in one word. An example is the word hello, if  molested by a Jejemon, HeLouwH is the new word. Combining similar sounding letters side by side to make it more complicated like the word afternoon turns into AfPterNuN.


Jejemons, the Younger Years
Actually the Jejemon phenomenon is not new, they are just more prevalent than before because the easy accessibility of the broadband Internet. Back when I was just starting using the net, around 97 or 98, a lot of Jejemons already spread their language nonsense throughout the cyberspace. Internet back then is still not a mainstream thing and I got my first taste of Internet access inside of our old school library. Some of them are actually my old friends in high school and they are usually hang around in MIRC and the early versions of Yahoo Chats. Fortunately I never adopt Jejemonesque language, the closest similar language I use online are the usual Internet slangs like LOL, ROFL and Full of Win.

Jejemons, the Modern Crap
Now, the modern Jejemons dances around in the Internet, especially in big social sites. In my observation there are just a bunch of directionless male teenagers who acts like stereotype hispanic gangsters, throwing ridiculous hand signs and wearing outrageous clothes while inside of a public Internet café, wasting the hard-earned money of their parents through being idiots in the Internet. Unfortunately, they are a lot of female Jejemons, I think they greater in numbers than their male counterparts. You know the type, excited teen girls and doing cutesy stuff in the Internet, communicating each other through their murdered language and does other stuff  a lot of modern teens enjoy, which includes stripping themselves and doing shows online naked. Sadly, there are 20+ Filipinos who still do the Jejemon crap and should face a repeatedly stabbing with a broken keyboard to the head.

A way to lessen the number of Jejemons is don't feed on their idiocy. Still The best thing to fight Jejemons is simply take the Internet and the computer itself away from them and put them back to school, probably all the way down to basic Nursery level language class.

The Kids Aren't Alright

Last Saturday, we did a photo shoot for a client, and in the middle of the session, 4 teenage kids, related to the client I suppose,  entered the scene and start acting what I really hate, which is being annoying dicks, which consists of obnoxiously noisy and doing a quick sexy time outside of the studio where they thought no one can see their pre-marital deed. I asked myself what the heck is wrong with today's youth today, well not all of them. Let say 60% of current generation of teenagers are a bunch of..... well, dicks.

Before I grab an annoying directionless kid and show them an non-Internet life called "real life", here are some my observations and inputs on why some of the kids aren't alright this days. Remember, I always say SOME, not all of them because there are still a crop of teenagers who can do wonders in the future. Lastly, yes, my topic title is an Offspring song, kick ass.

SEXYcitement Time
Younger generations are more sexually active today. They are really excited, way excited when it comes to sexy time. I know teenage life is where you will know the birds and the bees crap but damn, some of them already know the stuff before hitting 13. I thought liberated teenagers only associated to foreign teens, but  now it applies with local teens, complete with strap showing contests with each others. It is scary now it is easier to get to someone's pants with just a few sweet talk and all that crap.

Camwhore Galore
I still don't get teen's obsession of taking their photos in their underwear in their under aged glory, in a weird upper right corner and posting in the Internet. Later, they will cry and have their "emotional breakdown" when the photo goes to places even Google does not want to archive.

Emo Crapload
They are really emotional, I mean super emotional to the point you will think is this just an act or your overacting skills powered of being an emotional junkie is really convincing. It's like it's the end of the world if you partner of one week, which you only met through social sites, dumped you over to a foreigner 30ish guy she also met online. Sadly, a lot of them cut themselves with rusty cardboard cutter and end their life in an instant.

Pussified
Maybe being sheltered for a long time and luring them away from the real world, they cannot handle instances where being strong is a big need. Example, they will go overreact if he or she got a little wound, but before getting the proper treatment, they will go hysterical and sometimes cry in one corner. If they met a problem, instead of facing it directly, they will just rely to someone who will handle the situation while you, the pussified person, is smiling and continue updating his Facebook status via a mobile phone.

Cannot survive without their daily dose of Internet
I know, I know, Internet is an essential everyday tool, but come on, lessen your online presence and, you know, hang out with your friends and go places. Hanging out with your close friends is simply, very good for your life.

Jejemons or whatever you called it
They have an insane fetish of destroying written words in every despicable way. The weird thing is they actually understand and communicate each other through their murdered language. This "Jejemons" or simply idiots is usually seen in a lot of message boards and social sites. At first I don't have any idea on what the heck is a Jejemon so I googled it, and in few seconds felt sad to the 60% of the youth.

Brash and very impolite
Every generation of teenagers has its own line of disrespectful and impolite chunks which I am guilty of. Now, there are more brash, disrespectful and impolite to their elders. Nowadays you can no longer see the line between the elders and teens in terms of respect. They are all talk but when it is time to face the problem, they will go in pussified mode.

Lazier than Garfield
Maybe I blame their parents for this but a lot of today's teens are lazy and being spoon fed with a silver spoon from left and right. There is no balance of learning new stuff through insistent hard work and consistent perseverance. No more sense of responsibility for the kids today and that's why a lot of unwanted pregnancies, early unfortunate deaths, juvenile detainees and kids with no future emerged.

Teenage life is what a lot of considered the best stage of our life so don't waste it in the drain. Be firm and strong and don't throw away your life because some idiot that you plan to marry in 10 years left you for another idiot.Balance fun and hard work which will lead you to a good life once you exited the awkward years. Lastly and the most important thing to remember for teenagers is not be a dick.

Of Countrymen, Of Easily Get Offended, Of Hypocrisy, Of Lets Rally

As I write this, I predict there will be instantly a bunch of radical students from a school that somewhat includes rally in part of their daily curriculum to stage a strike in front of my home. Sadly, Filipinos are easily get offended with things that is easily be settled in a snap of finger. Sometimes they go bonkers and do rallies for the sake of rallying. They also stage a rally to celebrate a rally. This is one of the several reasons we can't move forward because simply, they can't let go, being idiot and overall showing a big percentage of hypocrisy.

I don't consider myself an all the way perfect person, but darn, just let it go, do something productive and move on.  As I constantly check the window of my home for a sign of picket signs, here are some things the Filipinos, and probably from other nations, easily get offended and other similar crap. They respond to this by swearing to their ancestors that they will do everything in their power to get themselves hear, like screaming profusely on the mic of a reporter or burning a very creative effigy, which sadly where there creative skills go to instead of using it to put food on their tables.

Generalizing a country based from the fault of a single person
Blaming a whole county from one person's shenanigans. Some of our countrymen are unfortunately fickle minded and using one person's mindset to label the country is the same. There was an incident, an isolated incident in Canada that a Filipino kid received with disciplined with his Canadian teacher due to using spoon and fork while eating. Of course, when the news reached locally, our dear fighters staged a rally in front of the Canadian embassy and blames the freaking country from it.

Insane fetish of backstabbing fellow-men
Some of the Filipinos are gullible, judgemental and has a huge, and I mean bigger than Mt. Apo obsession of destroying other people through obvious faked gossips and other shenanigans.

Finding reasons just to bash someone
Singing the national anthem in your own rendition that sounded right? they will label you as a heretic and must perished by receiving more crap from this people. Another country's national anthem  was gracefully performed by three girls in bikinis and you don't hear them whining about it. They will find a very, very deep flaw or loophole and sensationalize it like they just won the lottery.

Doing rally work instead of productive work
We know one way to get your voice heard is conducting a rally but come on, you have only a slight chance to receive on whatever you demand these days. Instead of joining the rallies, just simply do something that can put food on your table on that day, like working hard. We all know the hardships and everything but the only one can help you live is yourself.

Staging a rally to celebrate a rally
Why would you even do that? staging a rally means voicing out your inner rage not commemorate a previous one. I think they already have a calendar labeled with dates of past rallies in order to conduct an unnecessary rally on that day.

One negative comment = From the hood hilarious Gangsta style replies, lots of them
Filipinos, I mean, some Filipinos are so sensitive when someone from other country or race said something negative about us. Yet, the Filipinos just love stabbing each other with negative stuff and those crap. If you respond to them, write it right and not make it worse. From the recent Adam Carolla fiasco, I read some of the angry rants of our fellow countrymen (just google it, you will find tons of them) which consists of words cock, fuck, cock, fuck, cock, and a little of internet tough guy jargon which goes something like "yOu BETTA cOme Over HERE you ADam Fucking cAROLLA! you Will have Your FUCKING DIck in the FuckIng Ground!". Oh my jeebus, what the heck is wrong with you? really, what is wrong with you? Fortunately, Adam Carolla already made an apology after receiving, and probably laughing at 20% of these replies from our dear fellow country men, they still continue lambasting him and just can't let go.

Everything is easily settled if you know how to move on, respond in a very diplomatic way, not back stab each other like crazy and not have the negative crap drilled on your brain 24/7. Let them speak and say on whatever crap they can throw to us as long as you mind your own business and be productive accompanied with hard work and determination. Fortunately for me, I see no picket lines being formed around the house. Time to go back to McDonalds and complain profusely and starts throwing things around the restaurant, since I got a large coke wherein I should get a regular coke, a regular coke damnit!

Effin Parking

One of the most important factor of a place you are visiting when you bring a car is  a good parking space. Here in Manila, parking your car is one of those moments that you think is not a problem in the first place but it is not and eats a certain percent of your budget every week. Time for some little rambling and a slice of rampaging complaints from yours truly.

Meted parking means a new stage of cancer to your wallet
I prefer paying fixed parking rates because you can set a proper weekly budget for it. I always parked in Rada st. in Legazpi village, Makati City where the fee is only 60 pesos (around 1 point something dollars) for the day. Meted parking can kill your wallet due to your unpredictable length of your stay in the office or somewhere else.  A good 8 hour meted parking can give you a 120 pesos  (around 2 to 3 dollars) worth of headache but what if you need to give an overtime work, and god knows when can you leave from the office. The total amount of your parked can reached up to 150 or 200 pesos (around 5 to 6 dollars) if you stay beyond 8 hours.

The parking authority is not responsible for lost belongings and damages to your vehicle... thank you for your payment.
After handing a hard-earned cash to the parking attendant, they instantly don't care if your well cared vehicle is suddenly damaged by something like a fallen tree trunk or some idiot throwing a piece of coin from the top of a building. They will just also shrug if something's taken from your car, even if there is an obvious big cracked glass on your car and one of the car air freshener is missing. Its their responsibility to watch over your car since you pay them for the parking fee, which is someway is part of their salary. They even have uniformed security guards inside in the parking lots, yet they are not responsible and liable for anything, they are just there, twirling their imaginary nightstick and gossiping with the female parking attendants.

Parking spaces is very inadequate
There are obviously more cars than roads and public parking spots combined. With that premise, they must find new locations and ways to improve the number of parking spots. There are a lot of abandoned and dilapidated buildings here in Makati especially the one near Convergies. A parking company should invest on that building and convert it into a multi-level parking lot. In malls, they should divide it with 60% more on the parking and 40% on the real establishment, that is if that particular mall has a thousands of visitors everyday.

Douchebags drivers in parking lot
Like what I always say, douchebags are everywhere, even in parking lots. If you find a good parking spot and they see you, 100% of time they will accelerate, cut you off and go ahead to that spot. I just ignore them and find another spot which I highly recommend if you are still a sane and civilized person. It's better not to face them because who knows, they might as crazy as that Ivler guy. Let the douchebags fight with other idiot drivers since they battle for the sake of... fighting and looking more macho than each other. You go kill each other while I park my car over here.

Parking should be free, and lots of parking spaces, lots of it
Since you pay for the parking spot, and yet the parking authority is not responsible and other crap of your car, just make it free. The owners risked their vehicles from theft and damages so its pointless to have the space for you car and pay for it, especially if it is a meted parking lot. Since the security personnel is not doing anything at all to safeguard the vehicles, just twirling and thinking how bad ass looking they are, even if they look like can easily beaten up by a bunch of 8-year-old kids, just leave it free, as simple as that.

Somewhere In North

Me and Rein went somewhere north to spend our holy week / vacation time. We ate, swam, go places, and ate more. Basically we wasted our time over there, but at the same time we went to see the traditional holy week stuff, like watching the guys carrying the cross and self- whippers while wearing a crown made of thorns and leaves. Oh man.. back to reality again once Monday hits again.